The Magic Word

Spent the entire day fixing up computer for my dear little sister. Today's school reopen day but lucky me still enjoys the long break. Tore up her computer to fix over a better motherboard, up the RAM, change the graphics card, swoop the soundcard, merge the two CD roms (one DVD and one CDRW) and finally plucking her hardisk back. Even spent hours dismantling the surround sound i had in my room (since my mac doesn't support it) to fix it over in her room. Thankfully, my dad was on "off" today so he helped me with the vaccuming of the place. As if the huge overhaul wasn't taxing enough, the computer software requires some reinstalling. I was again reminded of why i wanted to convert a couple of years ago. The stupid windows keep hanging on me even after i up the RAM. Wad a lousy platform. In the end, the iTunes couldn't work and i was dead tired already. Decided to take a break and continue the next day.

Then my sister came home. Without the slightest acknowledgement, she went berserk with the accusation of me deleting her files and stuff. More rantings on the changing of the sound system. She used to have a 4.1 (mine) which was faulty already. So i switched over a 6.1 (mine) which was in perfect working condition. However, due to space constraints, my father and i decided that 3 front speakers were sufficient. So we dumped the back three and fixed up the front three, each of which, has more output power than any of the 4.1. Alas, this did not suffice my demanding sister and the volcano erupted upon realising that the iTunes couldn't work.

Frustrated, i put down my book and went searching and ploughing the tonnes of forum replies. I tried a couple of solutions but was unable to eradicate the error message until i stumbled upon the regedit miracle. An alteration to the value data of two of the entries allowed the computer to access proper folder in the new harddisk pathway. Anyway, the problem was solved and iTunes got running again. yar, you guessed it, there wasn't any thank yous for this either.

Hmmz, i was surprised how patience and forgiving my father was. He didn't mind any of it. I was quite irritated at it, though i didn't shout or raise my voice at her. Although when my dad told my mum on the way to dinner and that my mum was lecturing us about touching "her stuff", i blew my top (she wasn't around). Phew, i've kept my cool now ...at least.

What's so difficult with that magic word...or words in this case. Damit.

Be a Listener

I was listening to a radio the other day when the DJ mentioned the importance aboubt listening. It's almost as impt as talking actually. Perhaps this is a rather cliche topic but still it warrants some attention because it's always things as taken-for-granted as such that we overlook. We busy ourselves with our daily routine and throw everything else out of the window. Here and there we place the temporary worldy things ahead of the more important worship and kinship. On hearing the DJ, four "ships" came into my mind. Actually two came in first and then later on two other crept in.

Worship
I was just telling my fren the other day that having faith, i am able to communicate with God. Things get rough at times and my fren asked how God can hear me. It made me think and i realised that God is always with me. I do not even need to consciously think about wanting to let him know certain things, He just knows. I can scream a silent scream and God will hear me. He's just there, in abundance of love waiting for me to call out to him. I can imagine me crying and running to him in my most desperate times, wanting some comfort. Choking in my tears, I open my mouth to explain what has happened but God would simply put His finger to his mouth and give me a huge fatherly hug. All because he knows and so long as i reach out to him, he's there to give me comfort. He's there to listen to me.

Kinship
As the years go by, time takes its toll on the memory of my parents. They're starting to repeat things alot more often than before. Things will only go down the slope from here and if my reaction remains as it is now, i'll curse myself. There were a couple of times when i would just tell them nicely (or tease them) that they had repeated their "stories". Otherwise, i would give the irritated grunt and puff away. Everyone wishes to have someone listening as they speak. All we need is an ear. Too much to ask? How about the times when daddy tried teaching you 23 times that 1+1 = 2 when you were a toddler? How about the 525600 times you popped the "why" question regarding the same old things? How about the numerous times you asked mummie where you came from? They listened and they enjoyed listening. We could offer up that few extra minutes and seconds we would otherwise spend on nonsensical sms-es/msn to give back what our parents had given unto us. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother - which is the first commandment with a promise - that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth" - Ephesians 6:1. The same message can be found in the old testament and other epistle letters from St Paul.

Relationship
I should have listened more.

Friendship
I never listened. It's time to start learning.

Taking a step back

Looking through my photos from the trip with JJ, i've realised that i've got it all wrong. I tried picking several good photos and it was really difficult to get something of my liking. JJ went through my shots with me and pointed out a couple of glaring errors of which i believe i should not have commited. He didn't dish it out on me like how his previous boss did to him when he screwed up his job. It was an opportunity to shoot fine art photography at a wedding and i didn't take it. JJ was there to cover the main event and i should have use my time properly and sneak in a couple of well composed shots with the bare minimum technical details. Incorporating fine art and expression will then be a bonus.

But i did not.

Instead i shot the wedding as i would if i were to be alone. Funny thing is, the shots turn out worse than the previous one i did for lichuan. At the very least, i didn't have out-of-focus or totally blurred shots for lichuan's album. Did some reflections and realised that this trip had infact been a step back for me. I was back to where i started. I shot for the sake of getting some photos (to post online then and now to put into the album). The coercive nature of the shots made them feel very forceful. I felt totally disgusted when i saw the shots playing over my powerbook. I wonder why i even click the shutter then. I tried too hard and i got worse.

There weren't room for me to experiment what i wanted to do. Nothing was within my control. I wanted rear sync with the couple walking in. I wanted low-key outline for the speech on the stage. I wanted a joyous feeling expressed through a simple smile on the couple's face. I wanted the nod of approval from the parents. I wanted the simple eye conversation between the husband and wife. I wanted the intense yum sengs written all over the bothers' face. I wanted to see the vein poppings. I wanted...

And all i was worried about, is that i would miss something great had i taken more time with the previous shot. I rushed. I sped. and i got nothing done in the end.

So i conclude that i'm not really that suitable for this job. Perhaps as a backup guy with the freedom to take his time on his shots, but as the main fella in charge of delievering the boring posed shots? I doubt i want that kind of constraint. Some might say i'm influenced by niaph heng's latest post but i believe each one of us feels the same deeper down in our hearts. If we chose the photography path just to abide to others, i think there are much more meaningful things out there for us to accomplish.

Speaking of taking a step back, i think many decisions become clearer when we take a step back. We give ourselves more room and more space. We see things from afar with greater clarity and greater rationality. Recently, i've taken one step to many and things are getting alittle too close for comfort. It's not right and i know it. =|

Home Sweet Home

I am finally back home. For those who knew, i was in malaysia assisting my fren in his wedding photography for this couple D & C. Due to some miscommunication, the venue was at some 5-star hotel rather than KL. Anyway we were driven around so it didn't matter.

Phew. I thought i was tired but as soon as i stepped into the house, i seemed to be re-energised. There's just this charging effect whenever you reach home. You may be dozing off like a pig on the ride home but once the shoes come off and the bag on the bed. A change into home clothing and tadah! battery full.

So i am awake but the list of things awaiting for me to carry out is simply daunting. I have to do some laundry and then fold some clothes. Water the plants and sweep + mop the floor. Wash up and get dinner. Hmmz, thinking bout washing the car but i doubt i'll have any energy left. Don't ask me why my sister didn't do them, think she is busy preparing for her exams. Hehehee

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

Liberation

Okie, i'm a graduate.

Exams over and everything else seems to come my way so this week was really packed. Right after the last paper, i went for my church gospel camp (more on that some other day) and then a day of shopping at marina square. got conned into watch garfield 2 which was absolutely... erm. nvermind.

I'm just so tired now. Thanks to all who have supported me through this difficult time. I'll go bathe before updating erm...maybe tmr.

OT's Over

YESH. woo hoo. YESH. YESH. i love love love (*#$&*(@#. mUAhahaz. YEAH. OT's finally over. The most difficult phase of my exams is finally over. It's over. It is. It is ALL over. YEAH. I love it. I love it. Thank you. Thank you Lord. Thanks for everything!!!

I am so glad that this paper is over. I have only management mathematics left and it should take less effort on comparison. Phew. I'm just so glad.

Sighz. Sometimes, when you look back at things, you wonder why you let it go in the first place. Regrets, a part of life i suppose.